I haven't seen my father in two and a half weeks, which is weird to me. Despite how much or how little I had seen him when he was around, there's still a void that won't be filled for another five and a half months, when he comes back. And I miss him and six months is far too long to wait to see someone you love.
Tonight I came home earlier than I intended to. I said okay, time to go, but instead of saying that I was kidding around, I got up and left. I had a lot on my mind, but when isn't that the case? So I get on 495 and turn on the heat because apparently a mid-August night requires the heat. And it was an annoying ride home because I had to turn it on and off numerous times because on was too hot and off was too cold. "Transatlanticism" was in the CD player, already starting midway through since it's been in there for days. The other day, however, track #10 got quite scratchy and loud and it sounded like my speakers were going to explode so I turned it off. Today, this drive, this CD was perfect for the weather. And then I got to track 10 again. We Looked Like Giants. I was casually listening at first, but as the song went on I felt more involved, I listened more closely. Then that second verse..
God damn the black night, with all its foul temptations
I've become what I always hated, when I was with you then
..that. Everything on my mind, it all just exploded. Right there. My eyes began to swell and I could feel tears, but they wouldn't fall. "I've become what I always hated when I was with you" and it's truth, or ex-truth, was all I could feel. A sort of guilt trying to destroy me, trying to convince me I was the same person I was the first time I heard this song.
In an attempt to distract myself, I looked up into the sky and saw the moon and tried to figure out where it was in relation to the earth and the sun. A half moon.. halfway between new and full. It had to be perpendicular to the sun and parallel with the earth. Or rather, lined up with the earth. Now, I began to wonder, is it approaching fullness or newness? And each time I looked it seemed a little blacker than glowing, so I went ahead and assumed it was turning into a new moon. However, I was incorrect. The right half was glowing, so it was growing full. Before long, the moon was hidden behind the clouds, or the trees, or the traffic, so I stopped thinking about it. By now, "Title and Registration" is playing and I began to think that some gloves may be enough for me to not need the heat on, but before I could continue that thought, Ben Gibbard reminds me that "I am waiting for something to go wrong" and all the thoughts come back at me, because it has reached the point. Something has gone wrong. And the whole time I'm narrating everything that's going on in my head - the outside, the inside, everything - and it makes the music seem quieter than it is.
Speaking of my head, there's something wrong with me. I'm fucked up. The other night - last night? - everything (yeah, it was last night) just started spinning. I got my nightly headache early, got dizzy, and continued reading hoping it would go away. It didn't. Everything was moving around. I have problems that I should probably see a doctor for, but won't.
Back to the car, back to that drive home, whilst narrating, I've decided I'll use this blog for blogging, simply, and not just writing stories and what-not. When I was nearly home, a car coming off the Bellingham exit cut me off and moved into the left lane because the middle lane was moving at a too-slow-75. I moved over into the right lane, having to get off in a minute anyway, and to my surprise the man who just cut me off slid in between two cars in the middle lane and cut me off - again! - got off at my exit, and then headed back towards Bellingham. I don't understand people, and that statement has nothing to do with the previous few sentences. School starts in just over a week and for once, I'm anxious to go back and would rather be there then have to continue this summer. And I'm not trying to say I've hated this summer, but it's completely opposite of what I'd expected - not even what I wanted - and overall, to be completely honest, I'm quite dissatisfied.
Tonight I came home earlier than I intended to. I said okay, time to go, but instead of saying that I was kidding around, I got up and left. I had a lot on my mind, but when isn't that the case? So I get on 495 and turn on the heat because apparently a mid-August night requires the heat. And it was an annoying ride home because I had to turn it on and off numerous times because on was too hot and off was too cold. "Transatlanticism" was in the CD player, already starting midway through since it's been in there for days. The other day, however, track #10 got quite scratchy and loud and it sounded like my speakers were going to explode so I turned it off. Today, this drive, this CD was perfect for the weather. And then I got to track 10 again. We Looked Like Giants. I was casually listening at first, but as the song went on I felt more involved, I listened more closely. Then that second verse..
God damn the black night, with all its foul temptations
I've become what I always hated, when I was with you then
..that. Everything on my mind, it all just exploded. Right there. My eyes began to swell and I could feel tears, but they wouldn't fall. "I've become what I always hated when I was with you" and it's truth, or ex-truth, was all I could feel. A sort of guilt trying to destroy me, trying to convince me I was the same person I was the first time I heard this song.
In an attempt to distract myself, I looked up into the sky and saw the moon and tried to figure out where it was in relation to the earth and the sun. A half moon.. halfway between new and full. It had to be perpendicular to the sun and parallel with the earth. Or rather, lined up with the earth. Now, I began to wonder, is it approaching fullness or newness? And each time I looked it seemed a little blacker than glowing, so I went ahead and assumed it was turning into a new moon. However, I was incorrect. The right half was glowing, so it was growing full. Before long, the moon was hidden behind the clouds, or the trees, or the traffic, so I stopped thinking about it. By now, "Title and Registration" is playing and I began to think that some gloves may be enough for me to not need the heat on, but before I could continue that thought, Ben Gibbard reminds me that "I am waiting for something to go wrong" and all the thoughts come back at me, because it has reached the point. Something has gone wrong. And the whole time I'm narrating everything that's going on in my head - the outside, the inside, everything - and it makes the music seem quieter than it is.
Speaking of my head, there's something wrong with me. I'm fucked up. The other night - last night? - everything (yeah, it was last night) just started spinning. I got my nightly headache early, got dizzy, and continued reading hoping it would go away. It didn't. Everything was moving around. I have problems that I should probably see a doctor for, but won't.
Back to the car, back to that drive home, whilst narrating, I've decided I'll use this blog for blogging, simply, and not just writing stories and what-not. When I was nearly home, a car coming off the Bellingham exit cut me off and moved into the left lane because the middle lane was moving at a too-slow-75. I moved over into the right lane, having to get off in a minute anyway, and to my surprise the man who just cut me off slid in between two cars in the middle lane and cut me off - again! - got off at my exit, and then headed back towards Bellingham. I don't understand people, and that statement has nothing to do with the previous few sentences. School starts in just over a week and for once, I'm anxious to go back and would rather be there then have to continue this summer. And I'm not trying to say I've hated this summer, but it's completely opposite of what I'd expected - not even what I wanted - and overall, to be completely honest, I'm quite dissatisfied.
