I know that people change. I know that times change. I know that things change. I am not ignorant. I know people sometimes try to justify "changes for the worst" as growing up. I know that we all have to grow up. I know, we're not on the same level. Having similar long terms means nothing; long term is unachievable without a combination of short term. I cannot do this short term. In the long run, all these short terms are the long term. If none of the short terms are working, how does the long term work? Exactly.
The truth is, growing apart is hard. You see it happening and you try to fix it, when in reality, both parties know nothing can be fixed. I think the struggle at the end is what makes it toughest. I've had friendships end out of the blue. One day we're talking, the next we're not, and it's usually okay. You notice it, maybe become concerned, but mostly, in these situtations, it's okay. You might talk occasionally, but you both realize one (or both) of you has changed too much. You don't need it anymore. Neither of you can do anything for the other. It's the ones with the struggles that are so hard to lose. As the relationship is kindling, you both try to act like everything is okay. You call, you IM, you small talk. And both of you do this. You start to realize, this is all it is. Simple chat. Small talk. There's no substance anymore. You both still like each other, so you both try to make it work. But, it doesn't work. Nothing's changed between you two, but things aren't how they were. You've grown apart. You try to hold on, you have to let go. It's hard.
In relationships, I never liked the idea of taking a break. I've always seen it as a copout way of cheating on someone. Taking a break implies you plan to get back together. Yet, you're allowed to act single. In a way, you both know you're still together, or going to be soon, but everything that wasn't okay is now okay. A few months ago, one of my friends and I were having a chat about relationships and she told me that "if one of you ever brings up the idea of a break, do it. I think if so-and-so and I did that, we'd still be together." I couldn't understand why you need a break and why you need to stop "being official" just to spend some time apart. For one reason or another, the topic has been crossing my mind again a lot recently. Now when I think about it, I see it as the growing apart. The changes. One of the new Saves the Day songs, quite possibly my favorite on the CD, has a refrain of "bye bye baby our love can't save you, so bye bye baby" and since I heard it, I thought about it a lot. Sometimes, love isn't enough.
Back to the point, breaks. There's growing apart, there's changes, there's tension, but most importantly, there's love. And because of that love, you don't want to end things. Despite all the petty arguments and unnecessary drama, you still need them to be around. Despite how hurt you get, you think loving them justifies everything. Whether I agree or not, I won't say, but I will say that I understand this. Rather than an excusable cheating, a break is simply a test. Is the love enough? If it is, you return. By this point, both of you realize that something isn't working. In an ideal situation, the second party will understand that something is wrong and you had to figure out if it was worth trying to fix. Is love worth it. In many situations, a break will just cause anger. "If you know you love me, why would you have to do that?" etc. etc. I think, because I've seen situations similar to the latter so often, that's why I never liked breaks. They never fix anything. In actuality, someone just doesn't understand. Understanding is key.
And this can be applicable to cheating, too. Which is probably why I saw the two as so interchangeable. If you cheat on someone, and you know you messed up, it's because something was wrong. Maybe this wasn't your mind set going into it, but you needed the test. Is our love enough? Would I rather be seeing other people or should I try to get things fixed? And by cheating, you can find out what you want. If you get upset about it simply because you know you're not single, that's not good. But if you get upset because you can't stand hurting the other person and you know you still want them to be around, love wins. Is cheating justifiable? Maybe. Is "once a cheater always a cheater" true? Personally, I think no. Sometimes people need the mistake to know what they want. However, if you know this in advance, cheating isn't okay. People don't realize that they're testing their love. And of course, I'm not talking about all situations. Either way, if you know the problem, if you know you need the test, take the break. But above all, talk about it. A relationship cannot work without communication and trust. And if you avoid communication to break trust, it makes everything much more improbable of being fixable.
So the question remains. Is love enough of a reason to be together? What about a once loved? If things get to a point where you're falling out of love, or have fallen out of love, is it worth trying to get it back? Is it possible to get it back? Personally, I've always thought you can't hate someone unless you've loved them. Is staying together solely for love worth the risk of hatred (if nothing gets fixed)? I have so many questions.
The truth is, growing apart is hard. You see it happening and you try to fix it, when in reality, both parties know nothing can be fixed. I think the struggle at the end is what makes it toughest. I've had friendships end out of the blue. One day we're talking, the next we're not, and it's usually okay. You notice it, maybe become concerned, but mostly, in these situtations, it's okay. You might talk occasionally, but you both realize one (or both) of you has changed too much. You don't need it anymore. Neither of you can do anything for the other. It's the ones with the struggles that are so hard to lose. As the relationship is kindling, you both try to act like everything is okay. You call, you IM, you small talk. And both of you do this. You start to realize, this is all it is. Simple chat. Small talk. There's no substance anymore. You both still like each other, so you both try to make it work. But, it doesn't work. Nothing's changed between you two, but things aren't how they were. You've grown apart. You try to hold on, you have to let go. It's hard.
In relationships, I never liked the idea of taking a break. I've always seen it as a copout way of cheating on someone. Taking a break implies you plan to get back together. Yet, you're allowed to act single. In a way, you both know you're still together, or going to be soon, but everything that wasn't okay is now okay. A few months ago, one of my friends and I were having a chat about relationships and she told me that "if one of you ever brings up the idea of a break, do it. I think if so-and-so and I did that, we'd still be together." I couldn't understand why you need a break and why you need to stop "being official" just to spend some time apart. For one reason or another, the topic has been crossing my mind again a lot recently. Now when I think about it, I see it as the growing apart. The changes. One of the new Saves the Day songs, quite possibly my favorite on the CD, has a refrain of "bye bye baby our love can't save you, so bye bye baby" and since I heard it, I thought about it a lot. Sometimes, love isn't enough.
Back to the point, breaks. There's growing apart, there's changes, there's tension, but most importantly, there's love. And because of that love, you don't want to end things. Despite all the petty arguments and unnecessary drama, you still need them to be around. Despite how hurt you get, you think loving them justifies everything. Whether I agree or not, I won't say, but I will say that I understand this. Rather than an excusable cheating, a break is simply a test. Is the love enough? If it is, you return. By this point, both of you realize that something isn't working. In an ideal situation, the second party will understand that something is wrong and you had to figure out if it was worth trying to fix. Is love worth it. In many situations, a break will just cause anger. "If you know you love me, why would you have to do that?" etc. etc. I think, because I've seen situations similar to the latter so often, that's why I never liked breaks. They never fix anything. In actuality, someone just doesn't understand. Understanding is key.
And this can be applicable to cheating, too. Which is probably why I saw the two as so interchangeable. If you cheat on someone, and you know you messed up, it's because something was wrong. Maybe this wasn't your mind set going into it, but you needed the test. Is our love enough? Would I rather be seeing other people or should I try to get things fixed? And by cheating, you can find out what you want. If you get upset about it simply because you know you're not single, that's not good. But if you get upset because you can't stand hurting the other person and you know you still want them to be around, love wins. Is cheating justifiable? Maybe. Is "once a cheater always a cheater" true? Personally, I think no. Sometimes people need the mistake to know what they want. However, if you know this in advance, cheating isn't okay. People don't realize that they're testing their love. And of course, I'm not talking about all situations. Either way, if you know the problem, if you know you need the test, take the break. But above all, talk about it. A relationship cannot work without communication and trust. And if you avoid communication to break trust, it makes everything much more improbable of being fixable.
So the question remains. Is love enough of a reason to be together? What about a once loved? If things get to a point where you're falling out of love, or have fallen out of love, is it worth trying to get it back? Is it possible to get it back? Personally, I've always thought you can't hate someone unless you've loved them. Is staying together solely for love worth the risk of hatred (if nothing gets fixed)? I have so many questions.
